THREE THINGS, NOT TO SAY TO A WOMAN WHO HAS SUFFERED A MISCARRIAGE OR STILL BIRTH

* I know how you feel.

Because you do not! Even if you have been through your own loss, you do not know who another woman is suffering.

* You can always have another.

Maybe she cannot. Maybe like me, there is also a history of infertility. Maybe the loss has created internal damage. Or just maybe her heart is too heavy to try again.

* It was for the best.

Never ever, ever say this. Saying the mother, was too young, too old, too many other children, too broke, will not heal the hurt of losing her baby.

What you can do is ask her. Ask her what she needs. Never assume.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day takes place on October 15, 2015. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is a day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death, which includes but is not limited to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or the death of a newborn. 

STEPS TO FINDING MY HAPPY

If January was all about planning, early February seems to have been all about getting things into place, Including giving myself a week to mourn.

Then like a switch was hit in the last few days I have been filled with creativity. My sewing machine has been going none stop.

Okay well, not none stop. I have also spent a lot of time with the people that heal my heart. Including lots of babysitting Chester. (Tamika and Guy hope to open their cafe on Monday. More on that later.)

But, time with them, has me filled with creative ideas. Abstaining from my goal of opening an online store has been useful, it also seems that creating distance allowed me to actualize what I do and do not want. 

For a long time, research has pointed to happiness as being the ideal state to create in. So I guess I had to find my happy.

For me I had to :

1. Let go of negativity. Learn to forgive and forget.

2. Live in the present. Actually be with and concentrate on the now.

3. Treat everyone with kindness. Being careful with my words. Speaking gentler, kinder, and wiser. And listen more than I talk.

Obviously still working on my list, but for now it seems to be working.

And yes I know there are things like eating healthy and exercise, but lets face it no way I am going to do that shite. I am too busy eating chocolate and playing with Jarvis.

How do you find your happy? 

BEAUTY FROM WITHIN

How do you feel about your body? Are there people who say they are happy with all aspects? On the week-end I was sitting between my Aunt who is over weight, even after two tummy staples, and my Mum who has been anorexic her entire life. Two ens of the spectrum, but neither are happy.

Note: this is not my image. I am trying to find out who's it is so I can give due credit. 

I can honestly say I do not want to change my weight, but this does not in any way imply I am happy with my body. I dislike the normal lumps and bumps a woman of my age has. But at 46, and never having exercised in my life, and after two children what can I expect? That I could put on a bikini and rival how Elle looks at 50? A woman can dream.

They say beauty comes from within, but what happens when you believe your 'within' is ugly and damage? Sadly most of my issues with my body are issues with my internal working, and nothing, no exercise and no botox is ever going to fix that.

Lila asked on Facebook the other day what colours were in people's wardrobes. The bulk of mine is black, a combination of two reason. One being working in retail that has been my work uniform for years. Plus, when ever I am feeling insecure, that is my fall back colour.

This got me thinking, is it confidence that allows people to wear colour? Or do they wear it as a disguise?

I want to know what colour makes you confident? Can you clash colours? I know this post is a lot of questions, but I guess after three weeks I am still questioning myself and my faulty body. 

KNIT THREE PURL THREE. KNIT THE BAD ENERGY AWAY.

Ever since my miscarriage two weeks ago, all creativity has been drained from my body. My sewing space is looking like a dumping zone for fabric, and my 'to do' list is growing.

I read somewhere that if you try a different artistic pursuit it tricks your brain back into being creative. So last night with the help of You Tube, and hints from Greer of Typically Red, I actually cast on, learnt how to do a knit stitch and a purl stitch. Oh, and Greer REALLY knows what she is talking about, she does the most divine knit wear, here is a link to her Etsy shop. A few rows in I must say I am feeling proud. No where near Greer's standard, but it is a start. 

So on this dreary and rainy Monday I am going to ignore the above, and snuggle under a blanket, with a cup of tea and my knitting. 

THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY

Frida Kahlo (Mexican, 1907–1954). El Aborto (Frida and the Miscarriage), 1932. Lithograph.


GOOD

weeks late                               growing hope                                     two pink lines

                              like winning lotto without buy a lotto ticket                                    

seven year anniversary                                                picking names                                  
   realising how amazing my partner is

BAD

extreme cramps                   blood loss                                    tests confirming fears

UGLY

sobbing on the floor unable to get up                                                 physical pain           emotional breakdown                       repetition of why                        irrational fear something will happen to my two children and grandbaby



Thank you Sonia for giving me the courage to press publish. Head over and read Sonia's amazing story of courage and strength at Life Love and Hiccups. 

LOSS

Frida Kahlo (Mexican, 1907-1954). Henry Ford Hospital, 1932. Oil on metal.