SIMPLE WORDS AND NOT AGING GRACEFULLY

Simple words can mean so much. Last night Jarvis told me my hair was "lovely" and was patting it. This morning in bed he said "golden hair, adorable". I love how he gives compliments. I can only hope when he gets older he will continue to do this for myself, and others.

So if you follow me on instagram you will know that opps I went and coloured my hair again. Yeah, yeah, I know I was going to go a 'normal' colour. But life is too short to be boring. 

Think this makes ten or more different colours since I turned 46 in September. Pitty I don't have a photo of each colour. Guess, since Justin is always too busy to take my photo, I should learn how to take a selfie. 

Mid-life crises? Definitely not aging gracefully. 

TICK TOCK

Numbers creep up on you. Before you know it you are 46, and when you tell someone your age they hit you back with "are you THAT old"? Age, the number it is, has never bothered me. I guess I am opposite to my Mother who liked to skim a few years (well more than a few) of her actual age.

I am vain enough to admit I do not like what age is doing to my face. I almost did not publish the image of me below, because of the saggy chin and crepey neck. However, I was happy yesterday. I had the best birthday. So, that image even in all of it's sogginess is a reminder of that day.

Bar from the ravages to my body, the other thing that bothers me about the number is time. I often feel as if time is/has run out on me. I am now too old to have more children. How annoying I did not meet and fall in love with Justin until so late in life.

I am also trying to be firmer with myself. Stop procrastinating. Stop thinking I have forever to achieve things. The problem with this, is I realise how quickly time passes so I want to grab every moment and enjoy life with my two children. I will spend hours in the garden with Jarvis digging in the dirt and looking for the perfect stick on our walks. Yet, to find that time to dedicate to myself I find harder.

So torn. Part of me just wants to watch and be with my children, and very very soon grandchild. But part of me wants to achieve more. I have a list of goals, (but that is for another post).

So how do I make time slow down, so I can fit everything in? 

More gnomes for my garden!  

 Is the answer to finding more time on the ceiling?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN

In my mind Justin is still a boy. When I first met Justin he was a soft gentle soul, in his early 20s. A baby compared to me. Justin has always seemed so young. He even got asked for ID at a pub when he was 29. I had to go to the bar and buy his drink. Yes the heavily pregnant woman bought the scotch for her toy boy. 

Even last year when Justin celebrated his 30th in Paris. I still thought him so young. But this year we both were walking around saying 31!!! WHAT? How did that happen so fast? Where did the last year go?

Justin's birthday was a easy day. Waking to presents. Taking Jarvis to his first movie. A yummy lunch. Full body massage for Justin. Then out to dinner, Justin, Tamika, Jarvis and I went to an "All you can Eat" ribs restaurant. Hot Chocolates for desert and Jarvis's first baby chino.

Nothing over the top, but it is the quiet days with my family I like the best.

What ever age he is, I am grateful to spend another birthday with him. Even more so this year as his birthday fell in the week in between his two weeks in Cambodia and his two weeks in Hong Kong. 

As a late birthday present, why don't you pop over to his blog (Yes I have a partner who blogs!!!) Justin Ma Photography or to his Facebook page and give him some love. Well a like will do!

WHY I CHANGED MY HAIR COLOUR

Throughout my life I have had many hair colours and many styles. But for the last five years I have had safe hair. A blunt fringe, and all the one length, and red. Okay, so not everyone would think my red hair was safe, but in a world of rainbow hues, I thought the red was probably the most normal.

Image by Jam Photographics

Going into Norris to pick up my Crazy Colour in Fire Red was akin to visiting Baskin N Robbins with all those choices. I know Chocolate Mousse Royal is my favourite, yet sometimes you feel the need for Rocky Road. I thought I was too old to try a 'different' colour but it is strange how being told you may have bone cancer makes you change your mind.

So I figured it's my birthday and, if I have to loose it because of chemo then why the F__k don't I just do it.

Oh, yeah the BC thing. I always thought I was going to be open and honest on here, so here it is.....

I have made no secret to my desire for a dozen or more babies. I have alluded to the struggles to fall pregnant and the miscarriages I have had. So a couple of months ago I went to see my doctor, thought I would get a full health check and see where my FHS levels are. Basically am I dreaming? Am I way too old to have another baby?

What I did not expect was to be told I was still very fertile, and very healthy, all bar for one major concern she had with my blood. A conversation about white blood and red blood passed in a blur and I was given a referral to a Hematologist. Hematologist took more blood and did more tests.

From there he referred me to an Oncologist. Yes things got scarier. After a two and half hour wait with no food, and the day after Jarvis's surgery I go into see my oncologist again. So I was tired and stressed already. I was told Option A was Bone Cancer, Option B was something wrong with my Spleen (he did explain something about an enlarged spleen which is over active in its role of filtering the white and red blood cells.). Umm can I have an option C?

So more blood tests and a full body scan. Left me thinking why the hell was I worried about being too old for a hair colour? It is my hair, if I lost it all I would be pissed off at myself for not doing what I wanted. So after the full body scan I went to Norris and pick Cyclamen. A pretty colour but still not too crazy.

Friday half way through the colour change I get a phone call from my Oncologist. Well not from him, those guys keep you waiting and never call you. From his receptionist. He would like to see me sooner than my next allotted appointment can I come in on Tuesday? Umm he keeps me waiting and now he misses me? Bloody men.

So Tuesday I go back to Oncology at the Mater Private Hospital. Another blood test and a feel up by two separate doctors and I am informed I have option B. I may or may not have done a little happy dance. No BC. I feel as if I have equaled winning Lotto with my dodge of cancer. There will be on going stuff to deal with the spleen, but that I can deal with. I am not going to let a dodgy spleen get in my way.

So me and my Banti's Syndrome have a new hair colour. I spent the last couple of weeks going through in my head what if I had cancer and what if I died. I know morbid aren't I? But I came to the conclusion, other that not being around for Tamika and Jarvis, I really only have a couple of regrets on things I have not done. That over all I am happy with my life and very lucky. My biggest issues are my stress levels and my self doubt.

So my promise to myself after dodging the BC bullet is to be kinder to myself and to stop putting myself last. My hope is with this I will decrease my stress levels. So today my CyclamenHair and Me are going to do so sewing and forget about packing and moving house for now. 

ps don't you love my photo? Justin took it for me. 

Oh, and if you have not done so yet, pop on over to my Facebook page Iliska Dreams and give me a like