Numbers creep up on you.
Before you know it you are 46, and when you tell someone your age they hit you
back with "are you THAT old"? Age, the number it is, has never
bothered me. I guess I am opposite to my Mother who liked to skim a few years
(well more than a few) of her actual age.
I am vain enough to admit I
do not like what age is doing to my face. I almost did not publish the image of
me below, because of the saggy chin and crepey neck. However, I was happy
yesterday. I had the best birthday. So, that image even in all of it's
sogginess is a reminder of that day.
Bar from the ravages to my
body, the other thing that bothers me about the number is time. I often feel as
if time is/has run out on me. I am now too old to have more children. How
annoying I did not meet and fall in love with Justin until so late in life.
I am also trying to be firmer
with myself. Stop procrastinating. Stop thinking I have forever to achieve
things. The problem with this, is I realise how quickly time passes so I want
to grab every moment and enjoy life with my two children. I will spend hours in
the garden with Jarvis digging in the dirt and looking for the perfect stick on
our walks. Yet, to find that time to dedicate to myself I find harder.
So torn. Part of me just
wants to watch and be with my children, and very very soon grandchild. But part
of me wants to achieve more. I have a list of goals, (but that is for another
post).
So how do I make time slow down, so I can fit everything in?
