Numbers creep up on you. Before you know it you are 46, and when you tell someone your age they hit you back with "are you THAT old"? Age, the number it is, has never bothered me. I guess I am opposite to my Mother who liked to skim a few years (well more than a few) of her actual age.
I am vain enough to admit I do not like what age is doing to my face. I almost did not publish the image of me below, because of the saggy chin and crepey neck. However, I was happy yesterday. I had the best birthday. So, that image even in all of it's sogginess is a reminder of that day.
Bar from the ravages to my body, the other thing that bothers me about the number is time. I often feel as if time is/has run out on me. I am now too old to have more children. How annoying I did not meet and fall in love with Justin until so late in life.
I am also trying to be firmer with myself. Stop procrastinating. Stop thinking I have forever to achieve things. The problem with this, is I realise how quickly time passes so I want to grab every moment and enjoy life with my two children. I will spend hours in the garden with Jarvis digging in the dirt and looking for the perfect stick on our walks. Yet, to find that time to dedicate to myself I find harder.
So torn. Part of me just wants to watch and be with my children, and very very soon grandchild. But part of me wants to achieve more. I have a list of goals, (but that is for another post).
So how do I make time slow down, so I can fit everything in?