Throughout my life I have had
many hair colours and many styles. But for the last five years I have had safe
hair. A blunt fringe, and all the one length, and red. Okay, so not everyone
would think my red hair was safe, but in a world of rainbow hues, I thought the
red was probably the most normal.
Going into Norris to pick up
my Crazy Colour in Fire Red was akin to visiting Baskin N Robbins with all those
choices. I know Chocolate Mousse Royal is my favourite, yet sometimes you feel
the need for Rocky Road. I thought I was too old to try a 'different' colour
but it is strange how being told you may have bone cancer makes you change your
mind.
So I figured it's my birthday
and, if I have to loose it because of chemo then why the F__k don't I just do
it.
Oh, yeah the BC thing. I
always thought I was going to be open and honest on here, so here it is.....
I have made no secret to my
desire for a dozen or more babies. I have alluded to the struggles to fall
pregnant and the miscarriages I have had. So a couple of months ago I went to
see my doctor, thought I would get a full health check and see where my FHS
levels are. Basically am I dreaming? Am I way too old to have another baby?
What I did not expect was to
be told I was still very fertile, and very healthy, all bar for one major
concern she had with my blood. A conversation about white blood and red blood
passed in a blur and I was given a referral to a Hematologist. Hematologist
took more blood and did more tests.
From there he referred me to
an Oncologist. Yes things got scarier. After a two and half hour wait with no
food, and the day after Jarvis's surgery I go into see my oncologist again. So I was
tired and stressed already. I was told Option A was Bone Cancer, Option B was
something wrong with my Spleen (he did explain something about an enlarged
spleen which is over active in its role of filtering the white and red blood
cells.). Umm can I have an option C?
So more blood tests and a
full body scan. Left me thinking why the hell was I worried about being too old
for a hair colour? It is my hair, if I lost it all I would be pissed off at
myself for not doing what I wanted. So after the full body scan I went to
Norris and pick Cyclamen. A pretty colour but still not too crazy.
Friday half way through the
colour change I get a phone call from my Oncologist. Well not from him, those
guys keep you waiting and never call you. From his receptionist. He would like
to see me sooner than my next allotted appointment can I come in on Tuesday?
Umm he keeps me waiting and now he misses me? Bloody men.
So Tuesday I go back to
Oncology at the Mater
Private Hospital No BC
So me and my Banti's Syndrome
have a new hair colour. I spent the last couple of weeks going through in my
head what if I had cancer and what if I died. I know morbid aren't I? But I
came to the conclusion, other that not being around for Tamika and Jarvis, I
really only have a couple of regrets on things I have not done. That over all I
am happy with my life and very lucky. My biggest issues are my stress levels
and my self doubt.
So my promise to myself after
dodging the BC bullet is to be kinder to myself and to stop putting myself
last. My hope is with this I will decrease my stress levels. So today my CyclamenHair and Me are going to do so sewing and forget about packing and moving
house for now.
ps don't you love my photo? Justin took it for me.
Oh, and if you have not done so yet, pop on over to my Facebook page Iliska Dreams and give me a like
